Why is ‘No’ the Hardest Word to Say? — What to Do About It

Although it’s one of the smallest words in English, saying “no” can be difficult. All of us want to please others. Or you could be in fear of disappointing others or even losing your job. Although “no” can be challenging to say, refusing to take on extra tasks or do favours is vital for your mental health. Not saying “no” often enough is one of the biggest causes of burnout.

So, why do we say “yes” when in reality, we want to say “no”? Read on to find the answers in this article. You’ll also learn how to get the confidence to say “no” when you need to.

Reasons Why it’s Hard to Say No — Why You Shouldn’t Worry

If you’re used to saying “yes” too much, it can be intimidating saying “no”. After all, you are probably worried about the other person’s reaction. You may not be sure if you come across as being unfriendly, rude, or unhelpful. Learning to say “no” involves knowing why you must say no, the consequences of not saying “no”, and what you have to gain.

Here are some reasons you could find it hard to say “no” and why you never have to worry.

1. You want to show commitment

Finding it hard to say no usually comes from a genuine desire to help. Maybe you’ve started a new job, and you want to show extra dedication. Or you could think that being part of a team means making up the slack of others. However, it’s a mistake to allow willingness to help affect your own work.

Saying “no” in these circumstances allows you to keep to your own commitments. You ensure that you get your own work done well. And—if you have time left over—you can help others.

2. You want to be a team player

It’s vital in the office to work along with others. But over-committing and under-delivering are never going to help the team. If you say yes too much, you could end up hindering rather than helping the team. Also, it’s always a good idea to say “no” to a task that you’re not qualified for.

How can you say “no” and still be a team player? Here are a few handy tips:

• Tell the person that you’ll get back to them when you check your schedule.
• Inform the person if you have a prior commitment. Maybe you could offer to do the task later when you have time.
• If taking on the task interferes with current work, let them know that you’d love to help, but that you’d let others down.

Offer a solution. For example, maybe you know someone who is better qualified for the job.

3. You’re worried about future prospects

Concerns about your job prospects can make saying “no” very hard. If your boss asks you for a favour, your initial reaction may be to agree. You might think that you could ruin your chances of a promotion by refusing extra work.

In reality, saying no to work that you can’t take on—whether it’s due to time constraints or prior commitments—shows confidence and assertiveness. You show that you’re in control and are trustworthy—qualities that managers and team leaders appreciate.

Related reading: How to make saying no easier.

4. You don’t want to ruin relationships

It can be hard to say know if you fear that it could jeopardise your relationship. Saying “no” to someone could mean that that you disappoint or upset them. If you have a clear reason for refusing to do the task, you will rarely ruin a friendship or relationship. Remember, there’s a difference between being assertive and being rude or aggressive. There’s also a difference between saying “no” because you genuinely can’t and being unhelpful.

5. You feel guilty after saying no

You could find saying “no” challenging if you think that it’s not nice to refuse someone. It could be that you even feel guilty after making your decision. However, being friendly and helpful doesn’t always mean saying “yes” constantly. It’s vital to learn to say no to things. But that doesn’t mean you are no longer a considerate person.

To say “no” to someone does not mean being unhelpful or rude. You can consider the other person’s feelings without feeling pressured to say “yes”. Always explain tactfully your reasons for being unable to fulfil the request.