How Working Parents Can Cope with Burnout

Burnout is a phenomenon that affects parents just as much as someone working long hours in a high-powered job. Unfortunately, chronic stress and complete exhaustion is something that many parents face, but don’t get the chance to talk about. Burnout can affect stay-at-home mums and dads, as well as those working full-time. Because there are so few resources for stressed-out parents, coping with burnout can be tough.

The joys of parenting can sometimes be over-romanticised. Of course, kids bring so much joy into parents’ lives. But modern life for parents is very complicated—hourly night wakes, meltdowns, getting the kids off to school, then a day’s work at the office. So, it’s no surprise that these stresses and strains can build up. The result? Parental burnout.

This article looks at ways how parents can cope with burnout and how to avoid the consequences of intense, prolonged exhaustion.

What is Parental Burnout?

The World Health Organization (WHO) describes burnout as an “occupational phenomenon”. Burnout is more than dealing with a few bouts of stress, fatigue, and anxiety. The cause of burnout is chronic workplace stress that results in physical, mental, and emotional exhaustion. These factors usually cause a person to experience all of the following:

• Depleted energy and exhaustion
• Increased feelings of isolation, negativism, or cynicism related to your role
• Reduced efficacy in your role as a parent

Additionally, parents experiencing burnout can feel emotionally distant from kids or their partner, have irrational reactions to minor situations or be overwhelmed by self-doubt.

Burnout among parents is common when dealing with children who have behavioural issues or a long-term illness. However, having a baby, being under a heavy workload, or any other stressful situation can result in feeling burned out.

The key to coping with parental burnout is managing stress effectively.  

The Effects of Parental Burnout

It is well-known that burnout in the workplace has many negative consequences. Doctors from the Mayo Clinic say that not addressing the causes of burnout can lead to fatigue, irritability, insomnia, heart disease, type-2 diabetes, and high blood pressure. However, there is little research on the adverse effects of parental burnout.

A 2019 study published in Clinical Psychological Science seems to indicate that parental burnout can lead to worrying consequences. The results were based on parents’ responses to how they cope with chronic stress at home. The study revealed that burnt out parents were likely to experience any of the following:

• Escape ideation—fantasising about giving up on parenting and its stressors
• Neglectful behaviour
• Psychological aggression in the form of threats and insults
• Physical aggression, such as slapping or hitting kids

The researchers concluded that parental self-care is beneficial both for the parent and child. They encouraged parents to seek help whenever necessary. However, they also realise that there is much still to do to lift the taboo on parental burnout.

How Working Parents Can Cope with Burnout

What can you do if you’re feeling overwhelmed by all the pressures you are under? Here are five ways to help deal with burnout if you care for children.

1. Understand your stressors

First, try to find out what is the root cause of burnout. Many parents realise that they have unrealistic or unachievable expectations. Or, you could be too critical of yourself when things don’t go to plan. Usually, aiming to be a “good enough” parent while consistently caring for your kids is one of the keys to avoiding burnout.

2. Work out what’s consuming your time

Parents are under extreme pressure to be the perfect mum or dad. There is so much emphasis on what it means to be the ideal parent—extracurricular activities, no TV before six, organic food, etc. Parents then get caught up in trying to fulfil these demands and end up having an overly-demanding schedule.

Try to remove some non-essential things to free up time to spend with your kids.

3. Develop a support system

It’s vital to realize that you can’t go it alone if you want to avoid burning yourself out. You and your partner need time to recharge. If possible, reach out to friends, grandparents, or babysitters to give yourself time to relax without feeling guilty.

4. Be careful how you handle conflict

In the study mentioned earlier, the researchers found that three things are common in poor parenting:

• Inconsistency
• Coercion
• Escalation

Usually, when parents have a consistent role in child-rearing, much of the stress and anxiety disappear. Kids are less prone to push against the rules and whine when they don’t get their own way.

5. Recognize the importance of self-care

You should never feel guilty as a working parent about taking time out for yourself. Psychologists who study parental burnout say that self-care is one way to benefit your child—it makes you a better parent.